If, like me, you aren’t lucky enough to be attending this year’s Game Developers Conference in San Francisco, you might feel that you’re missing out on the intoxicating combination of hype and giddy excitement that’s so contagious at these industry events. Of course, websites like Eurogamer are kind enough to provide reporter’s diaries, interviews and live blogs of all the juiciest events but, let’s be honest, it can never match the thrill of actually being there.
But wait! What if there was something you could do to replicate the stupefied awe of the average GDC attendee? What if you too could be elevated to the higher existential plane on which a PS3 waggle device with a collection of stock Wii motion control games actually made sense? Imagine being able to take keynote announcement speak at face value, leaving your bullshit filter on the floor with your jaw?
There is a way.
Without further ado, I present:
The (Un)Official Games Development Conference 2010 Drinking Game
The true face of evil?
You will require
- A selection of alcoholic drinks. Spirits are preferable, though beer will help to recreate the distinctive smell of a genuine games industry event, given enough time.
- An internet connection and access to the videogames website of your choice. Eurogamer, Joystiq and Kotaku are all recommended.
- A friend or relative ready to dial 911/999/112 once the keynotes are under way.
The Rules
Take a drink every time:
- A games company executive uses any of the following words in an interview or speech – “franchise”, “experience”, “product”.
- Peter Molyneux makes a preposterous announcement about Fable III.
- Someone mentions the “casual vs. hardcore” debate or refers to “core games” with a straight face.
- A new MMO, clearly destined to be trampled by WoW, is announced.
- Farmville is held up as a model for the future of social gaming.
- Sony and Microsoft bicker over their distant second place.
- Motion control is mentioned as a Good Thing.
- The Guardian mentions Modern Warfare 2 in its games coverage during the event.
Take two drinks every time:
- Cliff Bleszinski (that’s CliffyB to you) swears in an interview or speech.
- Peter Molyneux speaks enthusiastically about grooming a ten year old boy in Milo and Kate.
- A new Rock Band/Guitar Hero/DJ Hero game is announced.
- Games are compared to art.
- Somebody argues that gaming is bigger than film as an industry.
Take three drinks every time:
- Peter Molyneux refers to Fable III as “the best thing ever” or something in a similar vein.
- Someone discusses the potential of motion controllers without pointing to evidence that their idea is actually in development.
- Home 3D is lauded as “the next big thing”
Optional Rules!
Warning! These are for the strictly hardcore only. Using these rules in your (Un)Official GDC Drinking Game experience may result in blindness, irreversible liver damage and/or death.
- Consume a raw egg marinated in vodka if Peter Molyneux mentions the Fable Dog.
- Snort rum and lime whenever the phrase “holiday season” is used to refer to a release date.
- Gargle with creme de menthe in the event that an ambitious, big budget PC-exclusive title is announced.
And finally:
- Mainline absinthe if an Xbox 360 demo pod develops the Red Ring of Death.
Thank you for playing the (Un)Official Game Developers Conference 2010 Drinking Game. But remember, the fun doesn’t have to stop when GDC finally closes its doors! The Game can be played wherever an industry event takes place! E3, Tokyo Game Show, Eurogamer Expo – all can be enhanced with a robust liver and a well-stocked liquor cabinet!
